| Chain letter perody | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| CHAIN LETTER PERODY | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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> >>Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am > >>> suffering from rare and > >>> >>> deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, > lack > >>> of sexual > >>> activity, > >>> >>> fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal > >>> electrocution, and > >>> guilt > >>> >>> for not sending out 50 billion fucking > forwards > >>> sent to me by people > >>> >>> who actually believe that if you send them, > that > >>> poor 6 year old > >>> >>girl in > >>> >>> Arkansas with lung cancer brought on by > >>> second-hand smoke from the > >>> >>> cigarettes smoked by the big bad men who > >>> kidnapped her and took > >>> >>> pornographic pictures of her for use on their > >>> child pornography web > >>> >>site > >>> >>> will get 6 fucking cents every time you send > me > >>> the letter. > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates > is > >>> going to give you > >>> and > >>> >>> everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How > >>> fucking stupid are you? > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this > >>> page and make a wish, > >>> >>> I'll get laid by every Victoria's Secret > model in > >>> the catalog! What > >>> a > >>> >>> bunch of bullshit. So basically, this > message is > >>> a big FUCK YOU to > >>> >>all > >>> >>> the people out there who have nothing better > to > >>> do than to send me > >>> >>stupid > >>> >>> chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain > letter > >>> leprechauns will > >>> come > >>> >>> into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep > for > >>> not continuing the > >>> >>> chain > >>> >>> which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was > >>> brought to this country > >>> >>by > >>> >>> midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it > makes > >>> it to the year > >>> 2000, > >>> >>> it'll be in the Guinness Book of World > Records > >>> for longest > >>> continuous > >>> >>> streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them. > >>> >>> > >>> >>> If you're going to forward something, at > >>> least send something > >>> >>mildly > >>> >>> amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 > of > >>> your closest > >>> >>friends, and > >>> >>> this poor, wretched excuse for a human being > will > >>> somehow receive a > >>> >>> nickel > >>> >>> from some "omniscient being" forwards about > 90 > >>> times. I don't > >>> fucking > >>> >>> care. Show a little intelligence and think > about > >>> what you're > >>> actually > >>> >>> contributing to by sending out forwards. > Chances > >>> are it's your own > >>> >>> unpopularity. > >>> >>> > >>> >>> P.S. Please forward this to at least 50 of > your > >>> best friends! > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> THE FIVE BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS: > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Chain Letter Type 1: (scroll down) > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Make a wish!!! > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Really, go on and make one!!! > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Oh please, they'll never go out with > you!!! > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Wish something else!!! > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Not that, you pervert!! > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Is your finger getting tired yet? > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> STOP!!!! > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great > >>> wish. Now, to make you > >>> >>> feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of > all, > >>> if you don't send > >>> this > >>> >>> to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you > will be > >>> raped by a mad > >>> goat > >>> >>> and then thrown off a high building into a > pile > >>> of manure. It's > >>> true! > >>> >>> Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those > fake > >>> ones, THIS one is > >>> >>> TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes: > >>> >>> > >>> >>> *Send this to 1 person: One person > will > >>> be pissed off at you > >>> >>for > >>> >>> sending them a stupid chain letter. > >>> >>> *Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people > will > >>> be pissed off at > >>> you > >>> >>> for sending them a stupid chain letter. > >>> >>> *5-10 people: 5-10 people will be > pissed > >>> off at you for > >>> >>sending > >>> >>> them a stupid chain letter. > >>> >>> *10-20 people: 10-20 people will be > >>> pissed off at you for > >>> >>> sending them a stupid chain letter. > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!! > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> > ------------------------------------------------------- > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Chain Letter Type 2 > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Hello, and thank you for reading this > >>> letter. You see, there > >>> >>is > >>> >>> a starving little boy in > Baklaliviatatlaglooshen > >>> who has no arms, no > >>> >>> legs, no parents, and no penis. This little > boy's > >>> life could be > >>> saved, > >>> >>> because for every time you pass this on, a > dollar > >>> will be donated to > >>> >>the > >>> >>> Little Starving Legless Armless penisless Boy > >>> from > >>> >>Baklaliviatatlaglooshen > >>> >>> Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting > >>> letters sent and this is > >>> >>all > >>> >>> bull. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 > people > >>> in the next 47 > >>> >>seconds. > >>> >>> Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send > >>> this to 4 or 6 people, > >>> >>you > >>> >>> will die instantly. Thanks again!! > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> > ------------------------------------------------------- > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Chain Letter Type 3 > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Hi there!! This chain letter has been > in > >>> existence since > >>> 1897. > >>> >>> This is absolutely incredible because there > was > >>> no email then and > >>> >>> probably not as many little 8 year olds > writing > >>> chain letters. So > >>> this > >>> >>> is how it works. > >>> >>> Pass this on to 15,067 people in the > next > >>> 7 minutes or > >>> >>something > >>> >>> horrible will happen to you like: > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Queer Horror Story #1 > >>> >>> Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school > on > >>> Saturday. She had > >>> >>> recently recieved this letter and ignored it. > She > >>> then tripped in a > >>> >>> crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, > was > >>> gushed down a > >>> >>drainpipe > >>> >>> in a flood of shit, and went flying out over > a > >>> waterfall. Not only > >>> did > >>> >>> she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen > To > >>> You!!! > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Queer Horror Story #2 > >>> >>> Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain > letter > >>> in his mail and > >>> >>ignored > >>> >>> it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and > so > >>> was his boyfriend > >>> (hey, > >>> >>> some people swing that way). They both died > and > >>> went to hell. They > >>> >>> continued to suffer in hell where they were > both > >>> cursed to eat > >>> >>adorable > >>> >>> kittens every day for eternity. This Could > Happen > >>> To You!!! > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and > Bip > >>> did. Just send this > >>> >>> letter to all of your loser friends, and > >>> everything will be Ok. > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> > ------------------------------------------------------ > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Chain Letter Type 4: > >>> >>> > >>> >>> As if you care, here is a poem that I > >>> wrote. Send it to > >>> every > >>> >>> one of your friends. > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Friends > >>> >>> > >>> >>> -A friend is someone who is always at > >>> your side, > >>> >>> -A friend is someone who likes you > even > >>> though you smell > >>> like > >>> >>> poop, > >>> >>> -A friend is someone who likes you > even > >>> though you're > >>> >>> disgustingly > >>> >>> ugly, > >>> >>> -A friend is someone who cleans up > for > >>> you after you've > >>> soiled > >>> >>> yourself, > >>> >>> -A friend is someone who stays with > you > >>> all night while you > >>> >>cry > >>> >>> about your loser life, > >>> >>> -A friend is someone who pretends > they > >>> like you when they > >>> >>really > >>> >>> think you should be raped by a mad goat > and > >>> then thrown to > >>> >>> vicious > >>> >>> dogs, > >>> >>> -A friend is someone who scrubs your > >>> toilet and vacuum and > >>> >>then > >>> >>> gets the check and leaves and doesn't > speak > >>> much English, no > >>> >>> sorry > >>> >>> that's the cleaning lady, > >>> >>> -A friend is not someone who sends > you > >>> chain letters because > >>> >>he > >>> >>> wants his wish of being rich to come > true. > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll > be > >>> eaten by wild muts > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> > ----------------------------------------------------------- > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Chain Letter Type 5: > >>> >>> > >>> >>> > >>> >>> This e-mail is wicked-cool! It was started > by > >>> Microsoft to test its > >>> >>> e-mail tracking system because, you know, a > big > >>> high-tech company > >>> >>> like Microsoft always sends important new > >>> software out over the > >>> >>> internet to be available to any moron who can > >>> operate a computer, > >>> >>> right? Plus, they have formed a secret > merger > >>> with Disney Corp., > >>> who > >>> >>> has agreed to give up millions of dollars in > >>> revenue by giving > >>> >>> everyone who reads this e-mail, passes it on, > >>> looks at it, knows > >>> >>> someone that looked at it, or is related to > >>> someone who is a friend > >>> of > >>> >>> someone who looks at it A FREE, > >>> >>> ALL-EXPENSES-PAID TRIP to Disneyland, > >>> DisneyWorld, or EuroDisney! > >>> So > >>> >>> pass this on to everyone you know that > >>> >>> is gullible enough to believe this (or not)! > >>> Even if it's not true, > >>> >>> hey---insulting all of your friends by > implying > >>> that they are > >>> >>gullible by > >>> >>> sending this to them is worth the improbable > >>> chance that you could > >>> go > >>> >>> to Disneyland! Even if you lose all of your > >>> friends because they are > >>> >>> tired of receiving this kind of junk from > you, > >>> it's worth the > >>> chance, > >>> >>> right? And just for good measure, if you > don't > >>> send this on, > >>> >>> Microsoft will send its specially trained > >>> attack-goats to pilfer > >>> your > >>> >>> house and eat all of your family, SO SEND IT > >>> ON!!!!! > >>> >>> > >>> >>> -------------------------------------- > >>> >>> There. Now that we've covered and > dumped > >>> on the five main > >>> >>types > >>> >>> of chain letters, onto the ironic part. In > order > >>> for this to get any > >>> >>> popularity, send it on!!! If you don't think > it > >>> was funny at all, > >>> >>don't > >>> >>> bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to > >>> everyone you know!! If > >>> >>you > >>> >>> don't, I don't care, but why not show this > >>> around? Take two minutes > >>> >>and > >>> >>> forward it. Thanks! > >>> >>> > >>> >>> Remember, the moral of the story is, > if > >>> you get a chain > >>> letter, > >>> >>> ignore it. If it's a joke or something, send > it, > >>> sure, but if it's > >>> >>gonna > >>> >>> make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless > boy > >>> from > >>> >>> Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. > Miranda > >>> Pinsley who ended > >>> >>up in > >>> >>> a waterfall of turds) just delete it. Do > >>> yourself a favor, and > >>> >>everyone > >>> >>> else in the world, and say, "#$@%CHAIN > LETTERS!!" | |||||||||||||||||||||||
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